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In eighth grade my friend Joey Cardolini grew discontent with his girlfriend, Maria. He got tired of her ways and had his sights set on her slightly hotter friend, Samantha.

So Joey did what all impetuous prepubescent boys do in a situation like this, he dumped Maria and went for Samantha. And he got her -- paraded her around as if she were the Queen of Sheba. He proclaimed long and loud about her virtues, and his entourage of friends stepped in line to become adorers of Samantha, lest they raise the ire of Joey.

But